Why
by TorrentJ
Summary: A series of oneshots explaining why certain characters do/wear/love/hate certain things/people.
1. Kakashi

**WHY…**

**A series of short stories explaining why certain Naruto characters do certain things…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…**

**Why Kakashi Wears a Face Mask**

Kakashi was bored. He'd been bored ever since he'd got back from his last mission. He wished he could take the Jonin exam now, instead of in two months. Being a Chunin sucked.

_Maybe I'll go for a walk…_he thought. Town was crowded today, and it hadn't rained in a while.

"Hehehe… Hahaha… Hehehe…" someone just around the corner was laughing at something…

_Who could that be?_ Kakashi stepped around the corner and found… _Jiraiya!_

The Sannin was staring through a hole in a fence. Kakashi knew this man's reputation, and guessed there were naked or part-naked women on the other side.

"Hey!" Kakashi cried. Jiraiya jerked around to face him.

"Damn! I'm rumbled!" Jiraiya had been hiding in the Leaf Village for years, and even the Third Hokage hadn't managed to find him. And now, he'd been discovered by a mere Chunin!

"YAY! I've fo-" Kakashi stopped talking at that point, because it's pretty hard to speak when your head has been kicked so hard it's gone through a fence, dragging your body along behind it.

"Hmph," said Jiraiya, "You never saw me." And he left.

Kakashi woke up ten seconds later to find three very concerned and very naked women looming over him…

"Are you OK?" one asked, a blonde, her huge tits positioned right above Kakashi's head.

"You must have been hit pretty hard, to send such a strooong ninja flying" the second girl crooned, her brown hair covering her slightly smaller breasts.

"Hi, gorgeous," the third, another blonde, said. This was too much for Kakashi, and a huge spurt of blood erupted from his nose. He collapsed again…

Two weeks later, Kakashi was finally released from hospital after the multiple blood vessels that ruptured in his nose were repaired and his teeth were stuck back together.

_**The Next Day**_

Kakashi was bored. He'd been bored ever since he'd got about of the hospital.

_Those women were really hot,_ he thought. _Jiraiya is apparently one of the biggest perverts EVER. He's even written PORN NOVELS!!! …I wonder…_

Twenty minutes later, Kakashi was carried out of a bookstore on a stretcher, having picked up one of Jiraiya's books and immediately had the mother-of-all nosebleeds- he'd bled so much he'd FLOODED THE SHOP!

A month later, Kakashi was again released from hospital after several rigorous operations on the inside of his nose. In fact, just in case it happens again, he's been forced to wear a face mask with a super-absorbent sponge inside it ever since…

_**Whaddaya Think? R&R, please!**_


	2. Ibiki

**WHY…**

**A series of short stories explaining why certain Naruto characters do certain things…**

**Disclaimer: I wanna own Naruto!**

**Why Ibiki Hates Anko**

"Hey, Anko!" Ibiki called out as he entered ANBU Headquarters. She turned and, seeing who it was, came over to say hello.

"Hi, Ibiki, what's up?" she asked.

"I've got a little challenge for you. See, I have this prisoner, and it took me FOUR HOURS to finally break him, so I'm wondering how many DAYS it'll take you!"

"Oh yeah? Want to make a bet?"

"Sure," he replied.

"OK, if I win, you have to take me shopping, then buy me a really nice dinner!"

"Fine, but if I win, you have to RESIGN and become a normal Jonin!"

Anko thought about it for a moment. "Alright, deal!"

They shook hands, then headed over to the prisoner cells.

"Hey, guards, open up cell 12!" Ibiki shouted.

The door was opened and in walked Anko. Ibiki could tell at a glance that the prisoner thought this would be easy- some little girl playing dress up. _She may be good, but there's no way she'll beat me!_

_**Ten Seconds Later**_

"PLEASE!!! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING!!! JUST STOP!!! PLEASE!!!" agonized screams came from the cell. There was a _'snick'_, and Anko walked out into the corridor.

"Ten seconds, that's a new record, even for me!" she tossed a small, bleeding lump of flesh at Ibiki, then said, "I'll see you at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, my place. And bring lots of cash!" Ibiki just stood there, dumbstruck. He stared at the piece of flesh in his hand and, realising what it was, hurriedly dropped it. Then he swore, and walked into the cell. The man was still screaming, and there was a lot of blood around his groin.

Ibiki walked outside and puked.

_**I know this is short, but I didn't have many ideas… Ah well, should have another chapter soon. Review, please!**_


	3. Itachi

**WHY…**

**A series of short stories explaining why certain Naruto characters do certain things…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto? Aaawww…**

**Why Itachi can't defeat Jiraiya**

"Aniki… I've waited for years for this moment… Now… DIE!!!" cried Sasuke as he raced towards Itachi, Chidori in hand.

"Hn," grunted Itachi.

"YAAAAAAHH!!! CHIDORI!!!" Sasuke pushed his hand towards Itachi's chest. His target twisted, grabbed his hand, and slammed it into the wall. Sasuke cried out as the wall was destroyed.

"Foolish little brother," said Itachi, "You really thought you could kill me while you are still this weak? Your hatred and loathing of me is not nearly strong enough yet!" Then Itachi threw Sasuke back along the corridor, where he crashed into the wall.

"I'm sorry, Jiraiya, but Naruto will have to come with us."

"I don't think so! **Kuchiyose: Gamaguchi Shibari**!" The corridor began to shrink, the walls turned soft and pinkish, and Jiraiya spoke again, "This is the oesophagus of a toad which I have summoned. You will die here."

"I think not, Jiraiya-san," said Itachi as he activated his Mangekyo Sharingan, "**Tsukuyomi**." The pattern in the eyes spiralled, and Jiraiya found himself being sucked away.

To Naruto's eyes, it seemed that Jiraiya froze for a moment, then collapsed.

"Y-you… You bastard!" Jiraiya cried. "H-how dare you s-show me T-Tsu-h-hime's death! I-I'll kill you!" Jiraiya leapt forwards towards Itachi.

"You appear to be very strong-willed, Jiraiya-san. However, you will not survive this! **Tsukuyomi**."

"Not again!" cried Jiraiya as he was sucked into the colourless realm. This time, however, he saw thousands of beautiful, naked women walking around him. He gaped as they all came up to him, and began rubbing against him.

In the real world, Jiraiya collapsed again, but immediately rose.

"That's the best jutsu ever!" I'm gonna take you home with me and have you do that whenever I want to peek!"

Itachi was flagging by now, having used Tsukuyomi twice. "Kisame, we should leave. I am already low on chakra." They turned and fled.

"Come back here! I need your Mangekyo Sharingan!" cried Jiraiya. He plunged his hands back into the oesophagus's lining and had it extend in order to catch Itachi and Kisame.

"Damn it!" shouted Kisame.

Itachi closed his eyes, then opened them and said, "**Amaterasu**." Black fire shot from his right eye, burning through the rapidly contracting oesophagus. Itachi and Kisame leapt away.

"Aaawww…" said Jiraiya.

_**I know this is short but I thought it was quite funny Review, please!**_


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